“They aren’t helping me.”
“They think I can do everything.”
“They have no idea what I go through in a day.”
“They treat us like a textbook, not a real person.”
When children have chronic conditions, parents have lots of “theys”. I would catch myself with thoughts circling around doctors, teachers, and family members as my “theys”. I was turning these individuals into villains and feeling like I was their victim. I blamed them for the challenges I faced with my daughter, Kyleigh. It was their fault when I felt angry or disappointed.
The victim mentality is dangerous. It allows another individual to have power over you and takes away your emotional control. If you identify as a victim, this loss of emotional control can impact how you live in your life. It leads to hopelessness and negativity that will often bleed into other areas of your life.
When we feel miserable, our minds create villains by wanting it to be someone’s fault. We eventually become trapped because we are in a constant loop of self-pity. We have placed our “they” in charge of how we feel. Often this loss of power occurs subconsciously so in order to stop the loop, we need to be aware that we are taking on a victim role. Blame, defensiveness, and complaining are clues that we are taking on the role of victim.
All of our feelings are created by our thinking. It is our responsibility to determine how we want to feel even when sometimes emotions are not pleasant. Processing negative emotions and intentionally choosing how we want to think about the people in our lives can build confidence and resiliency.
Imagine two school-aged children: one is a bully and one is a nerd. The bully demands that the nerd gives over his lunch money. The nerd is faced with a choice: he can comply, hand over the money which gives the bully power or the nerd can walk away building courage for the next time. The nerd chooses to walk away, but the bully follows and demands again. The nerd hands over his money. With continued practice and consistency, though, the nerd becomes stronger and walking away becomes easy.
Our ability to choose our thoughts and avoid the victim role takes practice and consistency just like the nerd. We cannot expect perfection and sometimes we will fall back into the victim role. This is part of being human, but awareness brings understanding and continued practice. With time, maintaining our emotional control can become our superpower.
Who is the someone in your life that you think is the cause of your pain? How can you change your thought to reclaim your power?
