“I’m running out of time.”
This was a thought that I recently caught my brain telling me. My youngest child experienced difficult times through high school. The isolation of COVID added a layer of challenges to an introvert who isn’t comfortable in her own skin. I have tried to help her develop autonomy and confidence throughout high school years by offering support, arranging therapy appointments, refilling anti-depressants, and communicating with the school. She started senior year and her self-confidence still needs work.
As a mother, I will be throwing my child into the world after high school. I’m running out of time to help. She plans to attend college, but I’m nervous that her anxiety isn’t controlled and she won’t be able overcome the obstacles thrown at her. Here comes the thought again…I’m running out of time to help. She wants to pursue a degree in environmental sciences, but I’m concerned her confidence isn’t strong enough for success in the next phase of life. And yet again…I’m running out of time to help.
Our thoughts create our emotions and feelings are what drive our actions. The recurring thought about time makes me feel panicked and desperate. I found myself questioning the therapist and investigating other therapy opportunities. I noticed myself agreeing with a psychiatrist who was offering to make FOUR changes to a medication plan. I was not enjoying the milestones of my child’s senior year and I realized that this was the last time I would experience these joys as a parent. This created even more panic and less joy. I was in a vicious cycle.
Actions taken out of panic and desperation are much different than actions taken from feelings of love and abundance. I am lucky enough to know this to be true and to have the tools to help catch myself to guide my ship back on course. My love for my child is unquestionable, but I needed to change my thought about time to provide me the comfort of abundance. I needed a new thought that I believed.
“A lot can happen in a year.”
This was my new thought that created a sense of calmness. I absolutely believe it and it allows me to feel the abundance of time rather than the scarcity of it. I can take a breath and realize that aggressive medication changes aren’t necessary, but instead I can pause and begin brainstorming with my child about less desperate solutions.
I noticed that when my thought changed, my brain was telling me other ideas to further support my feelings of love and abundance. I know that my child will constantly grow and evolve just like every human. The growth during senior year does not stop after graduation. There is plenty of time. Enjoying the events of senior year with the love and support of her mother will help to build confidence. I have the perfect amount of time.
What actions are you taking out of desperation rather than love and abundance?