I recently closed out my 29-year career in the Army and this had me doing a lot of reflecting. I have worked throughout my entire life to have a successful career in medicine. This realization has made me think about the term “success”. What is success? What would I consider to be a successful doctor and military officer? What would I consider to be success as a mother? What is personal success?
My thoughts about the word “success” were frightening to me because I immediately began thinking of people like Oprah Winfrey, General Collin Powell and Michael Jordan. Success made me think about awards and financial status and television appearances. I associated the word “success” with fame and it became unobtainable especially when I was thinking about it in terms of my maternal role.
Merriam-Webster defines success as “favorable or desired outcome”. This definition gave me feeling comfort because I realized that success doesn’t need to be on a large scale. When we start looking, we can find evidence of success in many aspects of our life. I have had successful meetings with my team at work. I have been successful in correctly diagnosing a patient or lecturing medical students. I have successfully completed half-marathons and experienced successful appointments with my children. These favorable outcomes help us move our life forward.
Goals keep us forward focused and serve as a compass in our life pointing us in the direction we want to move. Success and failure are simply categories of data to determine if we need to adjust the actions needed to achieve our goals. If we do something well, we feel the excitement of success and repeat those actions. If actions don’t work, we feel the discomfort of failure and we try another set of actions. Success isn’t fame, but simply, success is the “wins” column in the game of life.
What belongs in the “wins” column in my role as a mother of children with health issues? There is not a cure for Type 1 diabetes so the goal is managing and controlling these challenges. When my children were younger, the day-to-day management was dependent on me. I could easily define success as helping Kyleigh stay within her blood sugar range. My children are older now and manage their diagnoses with more independent, but my goal is to be a mother with unconditional love who can help her children be healthy, happy, and productive. I still have successes and failures as a parent working towards this goal.
I confidently put a check in my “wins” column when my children know they are loved. When Kyleigh calls upset because she is running out of insulin supplies and can’t get a hold of someone to help, I am fully present to listen to her vent and help her brainstorm solutions. She knows I love her. Being fully present is success.
What is your goal as a parent? When do you put a check in your “wins” column?
