Parenting Archives | Maureen Michele

Tapping into Resilience

Erica Lambert — Sun, 08 Oct 2023 04:47:04 +0000

Resilience is as crucial as love and understanding. Parents are not just caretakers, but they also serve as the front-line defense for their children against the trials and tribulations of the world. Consequently, the ability to bounce back, to maintain emotional strength in the face of adversity, becomes a pivotal trait for any parent. For parents, resilience is no longer an option but a requirement; a trait that is crucial to their role.

Caregiver burnout can be particularly challenging for parents of chronically ill children. These parents often face constant stress, uncertainty, and emotional turmoil as they navigate the complexities of their child’s illness. The demands of caregiving, medical appointments, and the emotional toll of watching their child suffer can lead to overwhelming burnout. However, it’s important to note that resilience plays a significant role in helping these parents cope with the unique challenges they face. Resilient parents of chronically ill children are not only better equipped to manage their own stress but also to provide the necessary support and stability for their children. They serve as beacons of strength, demonstrating to their children the power of resilience in the face of adversity, ultimately nurturing their child’s own ability to confront life’s challenges with courage and determination.

Resilience is not innate – it can be cultivated. Being a resilient parent does not mean being immune to stress or hardship, it means managing those stressors and recovering from setbacks in a way that is healthy and beneficial to both you and your children. Resilient parents are able to model coping strategies and emotional strength, skills that are invaluable to children.

So, how can parents embody and imbue this resilience in their daily lives? What are the strategies that can help parents harness their emotional strength? In this blog post, we will delve into these questions and provide actionable steps that parents can take to strengthen their resilience.

Foster Emotional Intelligence:
Emotional intelligence, the ability to understand, manage, and express one’s emotions, is key to resilience. It enables parents to regulate their reactions to stress, preventing them from being consumed by negative emotions. It allows for open and healthy communication with their children, promoting an environment of understanding and empathy.
Cultivate Optimism:
Optimism, a positive outlook on life and its challenges, is a cornerstone of resilience. Optimistic parents are able to view setbacks as temporary obstacles rather than permanent roadblocks. They perceive hardships as learning opportunities, promoting a growth mindset in their children.
Practice Mindful Parenting:
Mindful parenting involves staying present and engaged in your interactions with your children, rather than being preoccupied with the past or future. It enhances emotional awareness, promoting more thoughtful and compassionate reactions to challenges.
Maintain a Support Network:
Having a robust support network of friends, family, and professionals can significantly bolster resilience. This network provides emotional support, practical assistance, and diverse perspectives that can help parents navigate difficult situations.
Prioritize Self-Care:
Resilient parents understand that they can’t pour from an empty cup. They prioritize their mental and physical well-being, ensuring they have the energy and emotional capacity to care for their children.

As a pediatrician and a mother to a chronically ill child, I have witnessed firsthand the incredible power of resilience. My own journey has taught me that resilience is not a one-time achievement but a lifelong commitment to growth and strength. It’s a journey that begins with acknowledging the challenges and hardships, yet finding the inner strength to persevere. It’s about being there for our children, not just as caregivers but as a source of unwavering support and hope.

In my medical practice, I have had the privilege of working with countless families facing the trials of chronic illness. I’ve seen parents who, despite the odds, rise above the daily struggles with grace and resilience, inspiring me and others around them. These parents have taught me that resilience is not just a trait we possess; it’s a gift we give to our children. It’s a legacy we pass on, equipping them with the tools they need to face life’s challenges with courage and determination.

In closing, I want to remind you that as parents, you have an incredible capacity for resilience within you. It may not always be easy, and there will be moments of doubt, fear, and exhaustion. Resilience is a journey, and every step you take towards it is a step towards a brighter future for both you and your child. It is the bedrock on which parents can build a supportive, nurturing environment for their children. By adopting these strategies, parents can not only enhance their own resilience but also empower their children with the skills and mindset to thrive in the face of adversity.

What are the things that make you a resilient parent?

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Melodies of Strength

Erica Lambert — Sun, 01 Oct 2023 04:22:56 +0000

Music has always been a source of peace for me, a symphony of emotions and experiences, but bluegrass music has never been a genre I have ever felt particularly drawn to. When I decided to attend the International Bluegrass Music Association festival, my intention was more to enjoy the outdoors on a beautiful fall day rather than to lose myself in the music. I wasn’t expecting to find joy in the musical part of the experience. However, what unfolded was nothing short of magical. The vibrant strains of a fiddle, the rhythmic beats of a banjo, and the rich chords of a guitar are the essence of a bluegrass festival. Strings of a fiddle, beats of a banjo, and the resonant chord of a guitar are the hallmarks of a bluegrass music festival. The foot-tapping rhythm and soulful lyrics can take you on a journey, connecting you with an inexplicably profound sense of life in its many shades. Much like this unique genre of music, parenting a child with chronic illness is a journey full of ups and downs, crescendos and decrescendos, but ultimately, full of love and strength.

The things I witnessed from this bluegrass festival served as poignant reminders of the lessons I’ve learned as a mother to a chronically ill child. Here are a few pearls of wisdom from the vibrant and spirited world of a bluegrass music festival:

Every Instrument Has Its Role to Play
In a bluegrass band, every instrument—whether it be the fiddle, banjo, guitar, or mandolin—each has a unique and irreplaceable role. Similarly, in the healthcare arena, every professional, from doctors and nurses to therapists and nutritionists, contributes to the well-being of your child. Learning to coordinate, communicate, and collaborate with them can lead to harmonious outcomes.
Improvisation is Key
Bluegrass music is renowned for its improvisation. The musicians read the crowd, sense the mood, and spontaneously create beautiful music that resonates with the moment. I watched this happen. Parenting a chronically ill child also requires this knack for improvisation. Plans may not always pan out, treatments may need adjustments, and life can throw unexpected curveballs. Being flexible helps to navigate these challenges with grace and resilience.
The Show Must Go On
A bluegrass festival is a grand spectacle of relentless passion. Attendees came from all over the country to participate and nothing was going to stop them. The show goes on, irrespective of minor hiccups or major downpours. One singer was recovering from bronchitis, but he sang anyway…and it was awesome! One mandolin player was late for his band’s performance, but he jumped on the stage and started strumming even though it was the middle of the song…and it sounded perfect. The spirit of resilience forms the core of life as a parent with chronically ill children. Despite the obstacles and setbacks, it’s crucial to keep moving forward, keeping hope alive and your child’s spirits high.
Embrace the Community
A bluegrass festival is not just about the music; it’s about the community. It’s about dancing together, singing together, and forging unforgettable experiences together. Similarly, don’t isolate yourself in your journey of parenting a chronically ill child. Reach out to support groups, engage with other parents facing similar challenges, and lean on your family and friends. This community can be your most reliable comfort zone, offering emotional, mental, and practical support.
Find Joy in the Journey
Amidst the toe-tapping rhythms and soul-stirring lyrics, bluegrass festivals encapsulate the sheer joy of living in the moment. I witnessed people clapping, swaying, and dancing forgetting that anyone else was even around. It was sheer happiness! As a parent, it’s essential to find joy and happiness amidst the challenges. Celebrate small victories, cherish precious moments with your child, and remember to take care of yourself too.

As Marc Chagall once said, “In our life, there is a single color, as on an artist’s palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love.” Like the vibrant palette of a bluegrass festival, life, even with its challenges, is a beautiful composition.

In the face of chronic illness, your love, resilience, and strength are the most potent notes in your child’s symphony of life. May this melody resonate with hope, courage, and an unwavering spirit, creating a masterpiece of a life well-lived and well-loved.

What lessons of resiliency can you find in your day?

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Embrace Life’s Unpredictability

Erica Lambert — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 03:34:52 +0000

Our life is constantly changing. No two days are exactly the same. Sometimes the sun is out and other days, it is rainy. Sometimes it snows and other days, it is windy. Just like the weather, humans are constantly growing and evolving. We have a choice, though, in how this happens.

Parents can feel overwhelmed with the unpredictability of a child’s actions or behavior. A simple trip to the grocery store can quickly turn into a nightmare when a child throws a fit because they want a candy bar. This unpredictability becomes more complex when a child has a medical challenge such as autism or Down syndrome. A parent is left feeling helpless and defeated with thoughts that they cannot change their life.

Life, though, can change. Our journey in life is like riding around in a car. When we believe that life can’t change, we are in the driver’s seat, but our hands are not on the steering wheel. We are a passenger in a car that is driving itself. The car is swerving and turning without any input from us. The ride is frightening as we watch, hoping we don’t wreck. The belief that life can change is what allows us to grab the wheel of the car and lead it down a path. There is still some unpredictability to the journey such as a police officer hiding around a turn, but we no longer are afraid because we are in control and going the speed limit.

Changing our life is in our control. Grabbing the wheel of the car involves learning to set goals, create habits, and be aware of thoughts and feelings. This takes practice and change can be slow, but patience can result in significant progress if we commit to moving in the right direction. The grocery store trip no longer needs to be a nightmare, but can turn into time to enjoy your child who is getting to explore something new.

Learning these tools changed my life. I am proof that life can change. My life is very different compared to a few years ago. I have big goals that I am committed to achieve. I feel fulfilled and enjoy the relationships that are important to me. I am organized in how I use my time and I am very aware of my thoughts. Sadly, the conditions of my life haven’t changed and my children’s health challenges will be constantly present. I still hope for a magic cure to Kyleigh’s diabetes and Wren’s depression and anxiety. I still worry about my children, but my life changed when I stopped letting “worry” drive the car and instead I took hold of the steering wheel.

We are never stuck in life. The conditions of life may never change, but how we think, feel, and respond to them are in our control. The results that are created when we take charge and drive the car can be amazing. Our brain can work against us, but it can become an incredible gift if we learn to control it. This is how life changes. This is how we grab the steering wheel.

Who is driving your car?

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The Importance of Disagreements

Erica Lambert — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 04:51:08 +0000

My dad taught me to avoid arguing. He was a yeller. There was no doubt when my dad was mad. When my brothers and sister and I would argue as kids, my dad would step in. His booming voice made even the neighborhood kids shake. This consequence as a child taught me that arguments would result in fear. I don’t like to be afraid so I avoid arguments.

Disagreements, though, are important in many relationships that we have throughout our life. Disagreements with a significant other, friends, or colleagues provides us with the ability to deepen a relationship, expand our thoughts, or discover new perspectives. We create shallow, superficial relationships when we impede the ability to debate thoughts.

When Kyleigh’s blood sugar is crazy, it impacts her emotions. She becomes very easily frustrated and quite irritable. Over the years, I noticed that the blood sugar swings often result in an argument with me, but never anyone else. Her frustration leads her to quickly disagreeing with me. The pattern of behavior made me sad and disappointed. As her mother, I felt like she should hold me in place of reverence. She should respect me more than others because I was the one who brought her into this world. What I now understand, though, is that is exactly the reason why she was lashing out at only me.

To speak up and disagree or to verbally express frustration takes courage and safety. Courage is necessary when sharing a dissenting view or personal emotions because it creates vulnerability. We might be sharing thoughts that may trigger emotions from others and result in criticism. Being ready with armor of courage allows us to disagree. Even with courage, though, an individual won’t disagree without feeling safe. They need to feel that their relationship is solid enough that a dissenting opinion will not disrupt their connection, but rather could make it stronger.

Kyleigh’s blood sugar disagreements were directed towards me out of love and respect. The impact of her blood sugars created the feeling of courage, but her sense of safety came from feeling loved. She knew I would love her unconditionally. This environment of unconditional love gave her the safety to express her emotions when it became extremely difficult to control. She maintained composure with others because she didn’t feel the same safety.

It continues to be my job as a parent to teach her how to disagree effectively even during times when diabetes makes it challenging. It starts with courage and safety, but a sense of calm and the ability to listen are also components of a valuable disagreement. Being curious and open-minded allows us to objectively explore the opinions of others especially when sharing thoughts on someone’s emotions. It is my hope, though, that maintaining unconditional love as a parent during disagreements with my children will instill peaceful confidence instead of fear allowing them to argue effectively and not avoid a future disagreement.

Do you give yourself permission to disagree? Are you children able to disagree?

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The Wins that Matter

Erica Lambert — Mon, 05 Jun 2023 04:56:05 +0000

I recently closed out my 29-year career in the Army and this had me doing a lot of reflecting. I have worked throughout my entire life to have a successful career in medicine. This realization has made me think about the term “success”. What is success? What would I consider to be a successful doctor and military officer? What would I consider to be success as a mother? What is personal success?

My thoughts about the word “success” were frightening to me because I immediately began thinking of people like Oprah Winfrey, General Collin Powell and Michael Jordan. Success made me think about awards and financial status and television appearances. I associated the word “success” with fame and it became unobtainable especially when I was thinking about it in terms of my maternal role.

Merriam-Webster defines success as “favorable or desired outcome”. This definition gave me feeling comfort because I realized that success doesn’t need to be on a large scale. When we start looking, we can find evidence of success in many aspects of our life. I have had successful meetings with my team at work. I have been successful in correctly diagnosing a patient or lecturing medical students. I have successfully completed half-marathons and experienced successful appointments with my children. These favorable outcomes help us move our life forward.

Goals keep us forward focused and serve as a compass in our life pointing us in the direction we want to move. Success and failure are simply categories of data to determine if we need to adjust the actions needed to achieve our goals. If we do something well, we feel the excitement of success and repeat those actions. If actions don’t work, we feel the discomfort of failure and we try another set of actions. Success isn’t fame, but simply, success is the “wins” column in the game of life.

What belongs in the “wins” column in my role as a mother of children with health issues? There is not a cure for Type 1 diabetes so the goal is managing and controlling these challenges. When my children were younger, the day-to-day management was dependent on me. I could easily define success as helping Kyleigh stay within her blood sugar range. My children are older now and manage their diagnoses with more independent, but my goal is to be a mother with unconditional love who can help her children be healthy, happy, and productive. I still have successes and failures as a parent working towards this goal.

I confidently put a check in my “wins” column when my children know they are loved. When Kyleigh calls upset because she is running out of insulin supplies and can’t get a hold of someone to help, I am fully present to listen to her vent and help her brainstorm solutions. She knows I love her. Being fully present is success.

What is your goal as a parent? When do you put a check in your “wins” column?

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Processing Parental Pain

Erica Lambert — Sun, 21 May 2023 04:38:05 +0000

I have practiced medicine for many years and have immobilized broken bones, stitched open wounds, and sent patients to the operating room for surgeons to perform appendectomies. I have become good at diagnosing and treating pain. I, though, was terrible at diagnosing and treating my own pain.

The moment that Kyleigh was diagnosed with diabetes, life changed. From that point forward, life would be filled with thoughts of insulin and carbs. I would be busy ordering medical supplies and taking Kyleigh to medical appointments. Uninterrupted nights of sleep would become impossible. I knew I could do it because I held the belief that life happens exactly as it should. I knew I was supposed to be her mom and supposed to be a parent of a diabetic child because that is what was happening. The universe didn’t make mistakes. But even with this confidence, I was in pain.

I felt a deep sadness and a profound sense of worry. I tried to limp along like an injured athlete who was ignoring an injury. In retrospect, I was bad at diagnosing my pain because doing so would be admitting something was wrong. I felt like admitting pain would be admitting weakness. I wanted to brush it off before someone caught on that I was injured. Instead of diagnosing it, my pain was left to fester.

We have the ability to react, resist, or process emotions. I was resisting experiencing my emotions and I sank deeper. This is similar to someone attempting to keep a beach ball under water: they may be successful keeping it below the water’s surface for a period of time, but eventually it would come flying up. As a doctor, I know that ignoring physical pain could create a bigger problem and it is more beneficial to figure out the underlying cause like an infection or fractured bone. I, though, continued to ignore my own emotional pain and witnessed it spread, impacting other areas of my life.

It is normal for parents of a child with chronic illness to feel pain. This pain is due to grieving the loss of a life that they had once anticipated and are now forced to embrace a different life. Pain is result of watching their child suffer and feeling that suffering through their recurring thoughts of worry. We are expected to be happy or excited for our child’s challenges. It is anticipated that we will feel this pain, but there is hope that it doesn’t define us. Becoming aware of cause of the pain and processing these emotions will prevent pain from consuming our lives.

I still feel sad that my daughter has diabetes and I still feel worried about her blood sugar highs and lows. I, though, do not let the pain from these emotions impact my relationships, my career, or my zest for life. I have processed the emotional pain and I thrive knowing that it is no longer kept below the water’s surface.

Do you manage your pain or does your pain manage you?

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Overcoming Self-Judgment

Erica Lambert — Mon, 15 May 2023 04:30:09 +0000

During this time of year, parents are posting pictures on social media of their children graduating from school. It has made me reflect on my own school experience. I learned amazing things through school, outside of the expected textbook learning, such as how to work with others to accomplish a task, how to stay organized so I wouldn’t miss a deadline, and the importance of close friends. I, though, also learned some bad habits including the habit of judging myself.

From a young age, children are assigned grades which judge their performance at school. If they complete assignments and get correct answers on a test, they receive a high mark. Obviously, the reverse also occurs: incorrect answers lead to bad marks. The assigning of grades became challenging to my young perfectionist self.

I am a recovering perfectionist. I worked hard for straight A’s and thought I had beautiful cursive writing. I would complete every cursive practice page assigned for homework. I loved being able to have the letters flow neatly across the page. I took pride in my ability to write cursive until my sixth-grade teacher gave me my report card. I opened it and saw I had received all A’s and one B in handwriting. She hated my handwriting. I am still puzzled by assigning letter grades to the subjective subjects like art and handwriting, but this report card was the feedback I used to start judging myself. The handwriting that I once viewed as beautiful became ugly and imperfect in my own mind.

As life became more challenging, my self-judgment became more prominent. I was never a good student even though I was salutatorian of my high school class. I was weak even though I could easily carry a 50lb rucksack during a military march. I was a bad mom even though I never missed a school performance or doctor’s appointment.

We are taught at an early age that judging ourselves can be motivating to do better on the next semester’s report card. In reality, self-judgment can become detrimental to living the life of our dreams. The negative self-talk leaves us feeling shameful. These emotions result in giving up on your goals because why try when you believe you are never good enough?

Parents are heroes, but parents of chronically ill children are superheroes. We, though, often get judged for how we care for our children, our use of time, and how we manage our other responsibilities. Judgment is part of life, although this doesn’t mean that we need to believe any of it including the thoughts of self-judgment that our brain offers. Throughout my life I have chosen to print instead of write in cursive because I allowed the opinion of my sixth-grade teacher to impact me. I am wiser now and understand that judgment from others or from our own mind does not need to influence our actions. The development of strong self-confidence can silence the negative thoughts and allow us to choose if we want to believe words of judgement. Self-confidence can be our superpower as we navigate our chaotic world. It can give us the calmness and peace that we so desperately seek.

What judgments are you NOT going to believe today? Will you choose to continue to write cursive or stick to print?

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Redefining Failure

Erica Lambert — Sun, 07 May 2023 04:39:27 +0000

Failure is such an awful word, but it is only awful because we have made it that way. Failure is really just a word. A word that is defined by Merriam-Webster as “an omission of occurrence; lack of success; a falling short”. It is just 7 letters written on a page, but stringing these letters together and saying them makes us feel uncomfortable emotions. The emotions are present because when we are thinking about “failure” or “failing”, we immediately begin judging ourselves.

I am a recovering perfectionist who wants to be a great mother, fantastic physician and coach, committed partner, and a healthy athlete. I try to juggle each of these roles on any given day. Each of these roles is independently hard and requires energy and focus. The roles become even more challenging when exhaustion creeps in after a sleepless night because Kyleigh’s blood sugar was wacky. It is often inevitable on these days that a ball will be dropped during my juggling act. Thoughts of failure will begin to creep in.

I can’t deny that I have failed because according to the definition, my inability to maintain all my balls in the air was “a falling short”. The negativity that follows is because I beat myself up for falling short and I make it mean that I am the worst mother, physician/coach, partner or athlete. I judge myself for not being able to reach my goal that day.

Failure does not need to include judgement. With awareness, these judgmental thoughts can be acknowledged and stopped. It has become easier to stop judging myself when I understood that failure nothing more than data gathering. As a physician scientist, I love data and use it to create treatment plans with my patients. I can use the data to see what worked and what didn’t work for patient similar to my own. I have learned to use these scientific skills in my own life and collect data to help become the best version of myself. Failure means the data is telling me that I need to do things differently next time. On days that I have dropped one of my balls, it doesn’t mean that I am the worst person. It merely means that the data is telling me that I need more sleep to do better the next day.

I create treatment plans for my patients every day. I would never be confident in the treatment plan if I didn’t consider the data. Failure is necessary for our life’s plans. I want to know how to grow and improve, but the only way to do this is to try and possibly fail. Data gathering is just part of the process.

What are you making failure mean?

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When and How to Push Your Chronically Ill Child

Erica Lambert — Sun, 02 Apr 2023 05:14:18 +0000

Guest Blog Post by Wendy from BrewingMoreHope.com

Being a parent is tough. Being a parent to a chronically ill child takes parenting to a whole other level.

Our kids’ lives along with our own consist of doctor appointments, medical labs and procedures, trialing of different medications and so on. Some of those activities bring along consequences…..a painful procedure……side effects from meds…… missed events.

Chronically ill kids often lag in maturity because their time is taken up by “medical experiences” and not “normal childhood developmental experiences.” Kids may become reluctant to try anything…..new meds…..suggested procedures… or even activities with their peers. So as parents, when we want our chronically ill kids to do something, we often have to………

PUSH

Deciding to push your chronically ill child to try something is a difficult process and has to be thought out carefully. It is also important to understand why your child might reject a course of action. Many times, they are just trying to protect themselves in order not to feel worse. They are often fragile emotionally and/or physically from dealing with their illness. Past negative experiences weigh on them. Lack of experience weighs on them. The last thing we want for our kids is to experience more pain or trauma – physically or emotionally.

So, how do you know:

IF it’s worthwhile to push

WHEN to push?

HOW MUCH to push?

The following questions and considerations help me to make my decision:

Will the good outweigh the bad for my child? What are the stakes and what are the odds?
Is there true value or quality it could add to my child’s life?
Will it help my child developmentally? (Remember that they are often behind their peers because of lack of experience)
Will it give my child a sense of worth and contribution to the world?
Does my child have the know-how and tools to be successful?
Can my child handle the outcome emotionally right now? If there are negative outcomes, can they get back up at this point in time?
Is my child truly ready? (Make sure you truly listen to them.)
Do I think the timing is right for my child?
Have related past experiences been positive or negative for my child?
Will it work with my child’s schedule?
How will it impact the entire family?

Here are some examples where I asked myself those hard questions and had to really consider whether pushing was the right thing:

Pushing my child to try a new med (knowing all of the side effects he has had)

Pushing my child to try a new approach (knowing we have tried so many without change)

Pushing my child to try a new specialist (knowing he has been to more doctor appointments than many people in their entire life)

Pushing my child to try to become social (knowing he has had few experiences and is socially behind his peers)

Pushing my child to try a new food (knowing he is so sensitive because of major GI issues)

Pushing my child to get outside in the sun (knowing his body has trouble regulating temperature)

Pushing my child to drive (knowing he gets dizzy often and feels insecure about his skills)

Pushing my child to do more, get out of the house and be part of the world (knowing he has little energy)

Example of a Success Story

There is one particular situation where I made the big decision that PUSHING was the right thing and the results were positive.

Here’s my story:

First of all, my son has extremely low energy with only a few hours a day to pursue anything. We work very hard to make the most of what he has. After completing high school and moving on to the discussion of college, we decided that college was likely not a possibility for him. In his eyes, only being able to handle two classes at a time (due to his low energy and other issues with digestion/dizziness/brain fog) would mean too many years to complete a college degree.

One day after the college discussion, my son casually mentioned that he would like to work and earn money but was concerned about what that would even look like for him. We came up with a list of criteria – flexible hours, work from home, reasonable deadlines, likely max of 3 hours per day.

We discussed the next step of developing a resume and a “narrative.” However, he didn’t do anything to move forward with it for a few months. I thought long and hard about whether it was time to push him. I started going through my mental list of questions on pushing him to develop a resume and “narrative” he would use to describe himself.

Again, I ran through my list of questions to help me figure out…… Is it Worth it to push? Is it Time to push? How Much to push?

Would the good outweigh the bad? (sense of purpose) YES

Could he handle the outcome emotionally right now? (rejection) YES

Is there true value or quality it could add to his life?(new skills) YES

Would it give him a sense of worth and contribution to the world? YES

Does he have the tools? Not yet

The answers seemed to lean to YES. I decided it was worth pushing and also the right time for him to put together a resume / narrative but decided that I wouldn’t push hard because he didn’t have the tools. I helped him and made it as easy as possible by giving him resume examples. I even had him consult a career coach to help put one together, since I knew it would not work coming from me. Pushing him gently on this first step proved successful.

The next step would be to look for a job. However, he did not move forward. I knew that low self confidence and being unsure played into it. I waited a few months and then again I looked at my questions to answer…. Is it Worth it to push? Is it Time to push? How Much to push?

Would the good outweigh the bad? Maybe.

Is he truly ready? He really wasn’t sure.

Does he have the tools to be successful? Not entirely.

I chose to not push quite yet. I knew he didn’t know how to find what he was looking for. Instead, I chose to do some of the legwork for him. Why would a Mom do the legwork of looking around for their child’s job? The simple answer is that parents with a chronically ill child often have to step in more than others just to create experiences. I knew that once he got a first job, he would have the confidence and know-how to find the next.

I looked at job boards and on-line groups. Also, I started asking friends and acquaintances about potential jobs. And not long after, while looking at one of my facebook groups, there it was Posted online: Part-time. 15 hours/week. Computer savvy. Flexible schedule. Just a perfect fit for my son.

Now I needed my son to step back in. I had to decide how hard. I knew his resume was ready. I knew that time was of the essence. When a new job is posted, you have to act sooner than later. Again, I went through some of my own questions to answer…. Is it Worth it to push? Is it Time to push? How Much to push?

Did the good outweigh the bad? YES

Could he handle the outcome? I hope so

Can he handle the outcome emotionally? If there are negative outcomes, can he get back up? I think so

Is he truly ready? YES

I decided it was not only the right time but also the time to push really hard. “ACT NOW,” I told him. What do you have to lose? What’s the worst that can happen? I came at it from every possible angle I could to push him. Finally, I got him to agree to respond to the ad. I even sat with him while he crafted a letter to the employer.

We practiced interview questions in case he got the opportunity. We drafted potential questions for the interviewer. We role played and role played some more. Well, after a couple of weeks and a phone interview, he got the job.

What this job has done for him is nothing short of amazing. He feels better about himself and just overall happier. He finally has something for himself and a sense of purpose.

This would not have happened if I had not decided: IF to push………….WHEN to push……….. HOW MUCH to push.. I’m not saying pushing always works. I just kept “brewing more hope” and got lucky this time!

Wendy is not a doctor or therapist. She is not dispensing advice, but simply giving food for thought, discussing her personal experience in relation to parenting a child with chronic illness and the impact it has had on her family. She is not recommending any particular way of parenting; just sharing her experiences. Please consult your physician or personal therapist for issues you are concerned about.

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